1st April 2020 – April fools day (although it feels like April fools month)
I was back on the job today and it was another tough day trying to be there for each of the kids when they needed it. Miss 10 had a morning of English that she wasn’t very confident with and needed me beside her the whole time. Grammar was never my strong point either, so I had to do a little polishing up as I went.
This caused Mr 12 to get annoyed because I wasn’t helping him enough. I haven’t quite worked out the knack of being in two classrooms at the same time! After a lot of shouting he actually turned the internet off to stop me helping her! This of course worsened the problem and caused me to spend 20 minutes fixing the connection and getting her back on track.
I am finding it really difficult in these kinds of situations to not shout and scream the house down, particularly at him. I feel like he should be old enough to do the right thing. I sometimes have to remind myself that he is probably feeling pretty anxious and out of sorts. His world has been turned upside down just like mine.
It is really difficult as a parent to keep things calm and any sense of normality in this obviously very abnormal time. They do have a point when they say no one will know if they are in their PJs in their virtual class, but routine is the only thing we have left to stick to. Every step feels like a fight at the moment, whether it is getting in the shower or getting some fresh air or getting the lessons done.
I am struggling with all the new and changing roles I have and managing my own mental health. Things seem so out of my control. But the kids look to me to keep things going. I have to somehow find a way to balance their needs and my own needs.
Work is always in the back of my mind. Some time in the next few weeks I will be redeployed. I have no idea to where or quite what I might be doing. It is disconcerting and unsettling but at least I will have something, there are plenty of people out there that have nothing.
The tricky part for me is putting all that to the back of my mind and focussing while I am at home with the kids. More than anything they just need someone who is focussed and attentive……… and that provides food………… constantly. We are trying to shop less but food just seems to evaporate in this house at the moment.